1. Apologies. Apologies had been received from Waynetta, currently appearing in K ward at Southmead Hospital, Sweatmonster, who was in Hay-on-Wye, restocking his library, and Fat Controller, who was going to a party, or something.

2. Minutes of the last meeting. Puki Jangut commented that the minutes of the 22^nd AGPU held on 27^th March 2004 were a work of complete fiction. Following a show of hands they were accepted unanimously.

3. Outgoing officers' reports.

3.1. Grand Master. Clem, speaking through an interpreter, took us on a bizarre and frightening journey through his twelve months as Grand Master. He referred to his initial trepidation at the enormity of the task before him, of the friends he had made over the year, of the help and guidance he had been grateful to receive from various "old hands", of the son-in-law he had introduced to the club, of his pride at becoming a grand-father during his time in office (the "icing on the cake"), and how he sees strange colours when he drives nails into his head. He made special, tearful, mention of "Mrs Clem" through whose quiet and tireless support he had found the incentive to complete a record number of runs during the year. On a lighter note, he commented on his satisfaction at yet again confounding his medical advisors by reaching the age of sixty and still being able to find his own way to the bathroom, although, when he gets there, voices sometimes tell him to climb out of the window and walk in the road.

3.2. Hash Cash. Sleepy, with a grin which many considered to be borderline smug, reported that he was unable to provide meaningful accounts due to the fact that Fat Controller still retained some documentation from the previous financial year. There was, though, an amount in excess of £600.00 in the bank. Clem, speaking from the floor, said how you could go to a West End show, fish and chip supper, fairly ugly prostitute, carriage home, and still have change out of a shilling when he was a boy, and with six hundred quid in your pocket, you could repeat the experience 12,000 times, or 800 times for each of those present. Following some discussion, mainly among those members of the female persuasion, it was decided that this would not be a legitimate use of hash funds.

3.3. Hare Raiser. Spiderman reported that he had tried to "run a tight ship" as Hare Raiser, and that, if anyone had found him to be more than usually boorish, self-opinionated and aloof, it was simply because you don't get people to set runs by being nice to them. As a practical demonstration of his dogmatic inflexibility, he asked for a vote on which day and time runs should be held on bank holiday weekends. Of the four options proposed, the overwhelming majority voted for Sundays at 11.00 a.m., after which Spiderman announced that they would be held on Mondays at 7.00 p.m. Lunchbox suggested that we could have more joint runs with hashes from surrounding areas, as last year's runs with North Wilts HHH had been very successful. This received general support.

3.4. Stats. Wolfie said that, although the average number of runners per run had fallen slightly, this had been more than compensated for by an increase in the average age.

3.5. Religious Advisor. Lunchbox said he was very sorry about something.

3.6. Hash Haberdasher. Soprano said that Syph was doing something with embroidered logos.

3.7. Awards Co-ordinator. Mad Max said something about tankards.

[The minutes secretary regrets the spillage of some beer on his notes re items 3.5, 3.6. and 3.7.]

4. Resignation of Officers. The officers resigned with down-downs.

5. FOOD. There wasn't any.

6. Election of Officers. The following officers were elected:

• Grand Master: Clem.
• Joint Masters: Wet Wipe and Sweatmonster.
• On-Sec, Stats and Webshite: Wolfie.
• Hash Cash: Sleepy.
• Hare Raiser: Spiderman.
• Joint R.A. and Beer Masters: Lightning and Lunchbox.
• Haberdasher: Soprano.
• Mee-mee: Puki Jangut.
• Awards Co-ordinator: Mad Max.
• Deputy Dog: Jed.
• Social Committee: Wet Wipe (Chair); Soprano; Sweatmonster; Sharon (barmaid in the Cornubia).

7. Any other business.

7.1. Clem called for (but didn't get) a vote of thanks to Puki Jangut for arranging the Blackpool trip. Sleepy proposed a Blackpool sub-committee to report to the Social Committee. The proposal was rejected unanimously.

7.2. Lunchbox presented a detailed report on the current state of the Bristol and Associated Hashes Pension Scheme (BAHPS), the main conclusion of which was that pensions could not be paid until the age of seventy, previously sixty-five. Puki Jangut received the news very badly as his sixty-fifth birthday was in seven days time and he had been counting on it. After some discussion it was decided that, in compensation, free membership would be offered to all members to achieve more than 1,000 runs. Puki Jangut stated that he would be more than happy with this arrangement as, with his new-found freedom, he could get through the remaining 659 runs "in no time".

7.3. Wet Wipe proposed a "cascading" system to disseminate news about Clem's hernia. Wolfie offered to set this up, although Clem stated that Wet Wipe was more than welcome to inspect it herself any time she liked.

8. Date of next meeting. 1st April 2006.